


Nefarious

by woahstarwars



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren is a Mess, Mutual Pining, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force Ships It, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence, knights of ren are ur bffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22973089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woahstarwars/pseuds/woahstarwars
Summary: Ever since you were a child you felt like you were searching for more, that you were more than the life you had been forced into. You just never realized that your longing would land you at the side of the notorious Kylo Ren.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	1. THE FORCE LIVES!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " the ghosts of the past speak to all who will listen "

**THE STORM RAGED** through Canto Bight as you rounded the corner of the building silently, your eyes trained on your most recent target. The bitter chill of the wind whipped your hair in every direction as goosebumps formed across your skin from the cold. The muscles in your legs coiled tight as you slowly approached the man from behind, from what you could see he was distracted by something in his hands. Within seconds, you firmly pressed your palm against the man’s mouth, muffling his desperate pleas as his hands clawed at your forearms. It wasn’t difficult to assume he didn’t want to die from how hard he fought against your grip, and for a moment you allowed yourself to feel pity for him.

_You were born wrong._

_You are dark inside._

_You will never be forgiven._

The intrusive thoughts ran through your mind as you held the man tighter, attempting to diminish his struggles until your eyes darted to the device that fell from the man’s hands, a video abruptly beginning to play. The little girl in the video playfully ran around a field filled with green, the child clutching various flowers to her chest and she continued to pluck more from the field. Whoever filmed the video joined in with the child’s giggles as she continued to smile brightly into the camera, but the words that fell from the girl’s lips was enough to shock you into stillness.

“Come home soon! I miss picking flowers with you and—”

The words were cut short as you brought your foot down upon the device, the man fell hard to the ground as you released him and turned a blaster on him. The man sputtered and quickly put his arms up as he struggled to form a proper sentence.

“That was your daughter, wasn’t it?” Your voice came out colder than you intended, and it undoubtedly stirred more fear into the man as his eyes began to water.

“Y-yes, she’s my daughter.” He answered shakily, his arms still raised in front of his body. Your eyes observed the man as his hands shook, his bottom lip quivering as he nervously looked at the blaster pointed at him.

Sometimes you felt as if you could feel your targets feelings run through you if you concentrated hard enough. Currently this man didn’t fear for his own life, but instead worried for his wife and daughter that he would leave behind if you decided to kill him. Your hands gripped the blaster tight as you fought against the urge to chew on the inside of your cheek. Although you knew you should kill him and be done with it you couldn’t stop the thoughts of _what if_ you allowed him to keep his life and return to his family. You knew killing him now would leave no room for error in your future, no uncertainties that what you had done would come back and bite you in the ass. But the video of the little girl continued to play in your head as you made your decision.

“Leave Cantonica. _Never_ return.” The unspoken threat of what would happen if he did laid behind your words as you lowered your blaster. The man continued to tremble underneath your gaze as you looked down at him, watching him slowly rise to his feet.

The thoughts from earlier intruded inside your mind once more as you watched the man bend over to retrieve the items he had dropped. You didn’t particularly think you were born dark, but throughout the years and the life you led you believed your circumstances had caused you to be dark and unforgiving. The crimes you have committed through the years were enough to leave physical and mental scars on you, you didn’t expect to be forgiven. Moments passed and you realized you were afraid that the decision you were making was the wrong choice. Several situations where your decision backfired on you ran through your head as you stopped yourself midway through holstering your blaster. This man had the power to listen to you and never speak of what had happened this night, or he could condemn you in more than one way. The man’s eyes caught yours once more as he straightened his stance, still looking at you with uncertainty and fear.

The sound of the man’s footsteps fading into the distance was enough for nervousness to make your hands start to tremor. Your eyes slowly shut as you breathed out a breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding. Although you knew what you had just done was the right thing, deep down you knew redemption was not in your cards, the haunting memories of your past victims would stay with you forever.

**. . .**

**BLOOD SLOWLY TRAILED** down your cheek as you casted your eyes downward, suppressing your anger as the sting from Saul-bra’s fist grew. The clicks of his shoes echoed through the room before he stopped before you, his fingers roughly grabbing your face in order to make you face him.

“There is so much hate in your eyes, almost as if your anger burns through you.” Saul-bra grinned widely and released a mocking chuckle, his eyes examining the split on your cheek that dripped with blood.

There were several times in your life where Saul-bra laid hands on you, and each time was a way for him to demonstrate his power to the people who worked for him either willingly or against their will. This display of power was meant to quiet the talk of Saul-bra’s recent arms deal with the First Order. It wasn’t that he was ashamed, he was quite content with his deal with the First Order, however he didn’t particularly want others to know what type of business he kept.

“Everyone may leave us.” Saul-bra’s voice commanded as people quickly scrambled from the area, his fingers releasing your jaw as he turned away from you to pour himself a drink. “I hope you realize that you’re my most prized possession, your skills have turned me into a respected and feared man in Canto Bight.”

‘ _Possession_ ’

The word echoed through your mind as your eyes narrowed at Saul-bra, the man who considered you as an object that he owned for his own personal gain. The anger coursing through you was starting to make your skin feel warm, your thoughts wandering off into dangerous territory as you thought about how you could take him down—

“Tell me, do you remember your parents?” Saul-bra said, gazing at you expectantly as he leaned against the table behind him.

Moments passed as you continued to stare at him, the words caught in your throat at the mention of your parents. “I don’t remember much of them, only a few memories.” You managed to force out, you didn’t understand why this was being brought up now.

Saul-bra hummed thoughtfully as he set his drink down on the table, approaching you once more. “What about memories of your childhood?” He questioned, you couldn’t help but scowl at him and his questions as the anger finally became overbearing.

“I remember watching the sight of my parents lifeless bodies fade away in the distance as I was taken from my home. I remember being given to a man who beat me into a weapon that he could use for his own benefit.” You spit out towards Saul-bra, fists clenching at your side as you advanced towards him. “I remember a childhood filled with anger, which has carried over until this very moment.”

The feeling of a fist connecting with you face was enough for you to stop your advancement, your finger gently wiping away the blood from your split lip. Your gaze darted to Saul-bra once more as you noticed the frantic look in his eyes.

“Leave.” Saul-bra muttered as he turned his back to you, his attention now focused on his split knuckle. Within seconds you were throwing the door open and rushing down the hallway to the kitchens, your mind focused on figuring out why in the first time in your life Saul-bra seemed _afraid_. You quickly shook the thoughts away, but what you didn’t see as you faced Saul-bra moments before were the objects in the room quivering in their spots, slowly rising into the air with your anger until your focus was broken.

**. . .**

**THE CLATTER OF** workers buzzing around the kitchengrounded you as you pressed the warm cloth against your cheek, you knew this wouldn’t help the splits but it did feel nice against your skin. The elderly women who ran the kitchen among other things glanced at you, sadness in her eyes as she looked you over. However, she tore her eyes away and went back to helping the other workers prepare dinner for people who wouldn’t lift their finger to help them.

Your clenched your eyes tightly as you fought against the oncoming headache, your hand pulling the cloak tighter around your body as you tried to absorb its warmth. You kept replaying Saul-bra’s words in your head, you couldn’t figure out why he brought up your parents. Ever since you were a child he never mentioned them, besides to remark that you being in his service was to pay off their debt to him.

“Perhaps you would feel better if you ate something,” The elderly woman, who went by the name Maliah, said as she set down a warm plate of food in front of you. “If I remember correctly, which I always do, I believe the last time you ate was two days ago.” She lightly scolded as she went back to preparing more food.

Sometimes you noticed you couldn’t keep track of time, days blending together as one as you dragged yourself through them. You muttered a quiet thank you as you put the cloth down and forced yourself to start eating. The more you ate you started to realize how hungry you truly were, the headache fading slightly as you took a drink.

“The children who have been forced here in my years were always so afraid, and eventually I watched them become overcome with anger.” Maliah spoke softly as she leaned towards you, “They were angry with themselves, with others, with _life_ —“

“I am not a child.” You bristled, eyes narrowing as you straightened your posture, you couldn’t help but feel weak when people looked at you like that.

Maliah smiled sadly, “No, you never got the chance to be one.” The words felt like a punch to the chest for some reason, a shaky breath falling from your lips as you looked away from her. “There used to be many more children than there are now, most of them shared a room together. I remember sneaking into their room at night in order to tell them a story, it helped ease them into sleep.” You watched thoughtfully as a melancholy look crossed the woman’s face.

“What stories would you tell them?” You asked, deciding to listen to the woman, maybe because you were curious or because you recognized her sadness.

The laugh that fell from her lips brought a small smile to your own face. “I used to tell them stories of the legendary Jedi and their adventures. They particularly enjoyed hearing about the Force and how the Jedi’s used it.”

You recalled hearing stories of your own about the Jedi’s, something your parents loved to talk about underneath the stars on warm nights. Before everything went to hell, you remembered swearing up and down to your mother that you could move your toys with only your mind. You remembered her laugh as she would finish tucking you in as she said,

_‘When you learn to use the Force, my love, the world will tremble at your fingers.’_

The forgotten memories made you smiler wider, your chest starting to ache as you wished you could reverse time and give your parents one last hug. The momentary happiness started to diminish as pressure began to build in your temples, your face scrunching up in pain as your ears began to ring.

_“— come back!”_

_“— is dead!”_

The unfamiliar voices echoed through your mind as visions blurred together. You were able to make out the shape of the first body, wandering a world covered with sand, their feelings overcome with longing. The vision suddenly changed and you saw the second body, darkness surrounded them as they sat in front of a misshapen mask. The feeling of hands squeezing your shoulders was enough for the visions to vanish, but you couldn’t help but want to see more.

“Are you alright, child?” Maliah’s worried voice snapped you back into reality, the pressure in your temples still strong as you forced yourself to your feet. You remembered reassuring her as you made your way out of the kitchen, determined to escape from everything around you.

You felt breathless as you made your way down the empty hallway, confusion coursing through you as your mind searched for an explanation of what exactly had happened back in the kitchen. Pulling the hood off your head you shrugged the cloak off as you rounded the corner, pushing the door open to your room and quickly shutting it behind you. You allowed yourself to release an unsteady breath before dropping the cloak from your arms and snatching the blaster from your holster, aiming it at the man standing in the middle of your room. The unfamiliar man was tall with broad shoulders, dressed in all black along with an intimidating helmet as he suddenly whipped around at the sound of your voice.

“Listen very carefully. Because I am only going to say this once. If you move or let alone speak without me telling you to then I _will_ kill you. Now, who are you and why are you in my room?”


	2. DURING THE NIGHT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " two souls don't find each other by simple accident "

**THE SILENCE SETTLED** into your very bones as you stood before the anonymous man, refusing to tear your focus away from the intruder standing in the middle of your small room. Although nervousness threatened to give away how you truly felt you continued to aim the blaster at his chest, forcing yourself to appear stoic.

“Are you going to answer anytime soon?” You asked, gritting your teeth together in annoyance at your situation. In all honesty this was an inconvenience, all you wanted was to climb underneath the covers and drift away into sleep.

“I wasn’t aware I was given permission to speak.” The man responded, his voice sent shivers down your spine as you stopped yourself from shuffling your feet. “How did you manage to get into my quarters?”

The question caused your face to scrunch in confusion, anger bubbling inside of you as you advanced towards the man and shoved the blaster directly into his chest. You were slightly surprised when he didn’t budge, his face tilted downwards to watch your next move. Throughout your life you had seen plenty of men fall to their knees and beg for their life, you realized that this man was not like your other targets.

“This is a connection through the Force, how are you managing this?” His voice was filled with sudden realization, and if you weren’t so shocked by his presence you would hav guessed he sounded slightly impressed. Your concentration was broken as he took a step towards you, within seconds you pushed your blaster into the sliver of exposed skin by his neck. The thundering of your heart was enough for you to be on high alert, you had no idea who this man was and what he was capable of.

“I would advise against anymore sudden movement.” You said, pushing the blaster sharply into his neck for emphasis as he took a few steps away from you.

Now that he wasn’t so close to you it was easier to process what he said moments ago, you couldn’t help but be annoyed from the multiple times the Force was mentioned throughout the day. The brief visions from earlier returned as you continued to stare at the man. You grip slackened as you remembered the second person from the vision, someone cloaked in darkness and flooded with conflict. Perhaps it was a moment of weakness or lapse in judgment but you decided to lower your blaster, chancing small steps towards the man as you looked up into where you thought his eyes were behind the helmet. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You weren’t afraid to admit when you were in the dark about certain things, and in this moment you wanted an explanation to the unusual things that had been happening. You wanted to _understand_ what was happening in this very moment.

“Tell me who you —”

The man’s words were cut short as the blaster at your side dropped to the floor with a deafening thud. You watched as the man disappeared into smoke before you, your eyes glued to the now empty space as if he was never there.

**. . .**

**NIGHTMARES PLAGUED YOUR** dreams the night you awoke as your hands unconsciously clawed at your throat until your body jolted forward, successfully pulling you out of your night terror. The sounds of your gasps only frightened you more and your eyes frantically searched the room as if there was a culprit to catch. Several minutes passed before you reached up to shove your hair away from your face, your other hand tossing the thin blanket from your legs.

Nearly three weeks had passed since your encounter with the man shrouded in darkness. Your mind was constantly replaying the events from the earlier weeks, and it was difficult to ignore the feeling of being tied to someone else with an unexplainable connection. Everywhere you turned you expected to see him standing there, the feeling of always being on edge was starting to get exhausting. The ongoing nightmares weren’t doing you any favors to add on to everything else.

The lights from nearby casinos harshly shone through the windows along with boisterous voices from people who had probably gambled their night away. Releasing a frustrated breath your hands weaved themselves into your hair as you held your head in your hands. You never thought you got a good nights rest, but ever since what happened you were truly tired, mentally and physically. You couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t appeared since that day, and for a split moment you entertained the idea if there was a way to summon him.

_Was that even possible?_

The thought echoed through your head as you chewed on the inside of your cheek, the cold air from the open window causing goosebumps to form as you swung your legs over the edge of the bed. You didn’t know if it would work but you supposed it was worth a try. Rubbing your hands nervously against your legs you shut your eyes and imagined everything you could remember from all those weeks ago. You envisioned the man dressed head to toe in dark clothing, the enhanced sound of his voice through the helmet that caused you to shiver, his towering figure, and anything else you managed to remember.

Several minutes passed by and you were met with nothing but the familiar feeling of being alone. You couldn’t help but sigh as you pushed yourself up from the bed and walked over the window, leaning your head against the cool glass. You felt ridiculous as disappointed coursed through you, although you were slightly fearful from being in the unknown it was somehow nice to know that there was another person in the galaxy who felt the same connection as you.

“It’s you.”

The suddenness of the silence being broken was enough to cause you to jolt forward, nearly hitting your head against the window as you spun yourself around to face the direction where the voice came from. The anonymous man from weeks before stood before you, almost exactly how you remembered him in your head. It took you several moments to realize his words from before weren’t a question, but more of a statement as you both seemed to examine each other from across the room.

“I keep having these nightmares.” The words fell from your lips before you could stop yourself. You couldn’t help but internally cringe at yourself, but as moments of silence passed and the man said nothing more you took it as your cue to continue. “I do not know how to explain it, but I feel as if something bad is going to happen to me.” You admitted, feeling yourself be more open with the stranger compared to others for what felt like the first time in years.

“Tell me what you dream about.” Although you had only heard his voice very few times it never failed to cause goosebumps to form across your skin. You couldn’t tell if the man was genuinely curious about your nightmares, or if he was simply indulging you.

“I watch myself die in each nightmare,” You began, studying him closely as you carefully picked out how to proceed with your explanation. “This person figures out that I have been lying to them about completing my tasks.” The moments from your past as you allowed your targets escape their death sentence flashed through your mind. “They kill me for my disobedience.”

Saul-bra would kill you if he ever found out, that was something you were certain of. The sound of your heart thundering in your chest was the only thing you could hear as you stared at the man before you, awaiting his response. The longer you looked into the depths of the helmet the more you wondered what kind of person was beneath it, and _why_ he wore it.

“I wouldn’t let that happen.” He said, and the thoughts from seconds ago quickly disappeared from your mind.

_This man knows nothing about you, why would he care if some nameless person finished you off?_

“Because we’re the same.” Those four words were enough to shock you into stillness, how did he answer a question that you asked yourself from inside your own head. Your eyebrows furrowed together as you considered the man in front of you. “You have potential to be as powerful as me, to be my _equal_ in every single way. I can teach you.”

Your mind immediately wandered to the mention of the Force all those weeks ago, you assumed whatever he was taking about somehow tied into that. Multiple types of questions ran through your mind as you forced yourself to take a few steps forward, decreasing the space between yourself and him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You managed to get out, suddenly feeling defensive as you crossed your arms across your chest and narrowed your eyes at the man. “I’m assuming you’re talking about the Force, correct? How much do you know about the Force?” You asked, forcing yourself to swallow the lump in your throat as the man hummed to himself in what you thought was amusement.

“My knowledge of the Force is,” The man paused as he seemed to choose his next words. “considerably more _vast_ compared to others.”

“What if I want nothing to do with, with —” You struggled to form your next words, feeling flustered as confusion began to overwhelm you. “whatever you’re _affiliated_ with!”

“Then why did you forge the connection tonight?” He asked, frustration evident in his tone as he took a step towards you. You didn’t realize how hard you were breathing until you noticed how close both of you were to one another, your chests nearly bumping against each other with each breath.

“I want you to _leave_.” You gritted out as you closed your eyes, hoping the imitation of annoyance mocked how afraid you truly felt inside.

You would never admit it out loud, but when you opened your eyes to see that he was gone you couldn’t escape how totally and utterly alone you felt.

**. . .**

**THE DAYS BLURRED** together as you did what was required of you, mostly minimal tasks like gathering information on future targets for Saul-bra and other things. It was difficult to appear stoic and composed on the outside while on the inside you were anything but put together. You thoughts continuously drifted back to your conversation with the masked man and what he had to say.

_‘Because we’re the same.’_

His voice echoed through your mind as you forced one leg in front of the other as you walked down the empty hallway, moonlight filtered through the small windows as you fought off a yawn. Shaking your head you forced yourself to focus on other things, like the fact you had not seen Saul-bra since he last laid hands on you several weeks ago. The splits and bruises were now long gone, but their memory still lived with the others. You felt like you were constantly balancing on the edge of a sword, between the haunting nightmares and whatever was going on with _him_ , you were considerably exhausted.

The pressure of someone snatching your forearm and pulling you into an empty room from the hallway was enough for your heart to stutter as you pushed the person up against the wall, your arm pushed under their throat until you realized who it was. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room and took in the sight of Maliah pushed up against the wall, you quickly pulled your arm back and moved away as you caught your breath.

“I would appreciate if you didn’t _snatch_ me while walking in the future —” You started, straightening out your shirt until you were interrupted by Maliah’s hand clapping over your mouth. 

“Listen to me.” She whispered frantically as she removed her hand from her mouth, and in that moment you realized the seriousness of the situation. “You have to leave now, while you still can.”

“I don’t understand.” You said back, lowering your voice to match her own.

“Saul-bra knows.” Maliah answered, her eyes filling with sadness as she searched your face for a reaction. You didn’t need to ask her to elaborate on what exactly he knew, you knew he had finally discovered your betrayal. He would kill you for this.

“You should leave.” You said, moving out of the pathway to the door as Maliah continued to stare as if she expected more of a reaction from you. After several moments she moved towards the door, her hand landing on the knob as you finally spoke up. “Thank you.” You said, turning your head to watch as tears welled up in your eyes, she didn’t expect you to make it. The sound of the door closing behind her left you in the deafening silence of the room.

You couldn’t help but wonder how long Saul-bra had been aware of your lies, how long he has been planning your punishment that would ultimately end in your death. Releasing a shaky breath you allowed yourself to lean back against the wall, thinking of how the hell you were going to get out of this mess.

_‘I wouldn’t let that happen.’_

Your eyes shot open at the memory from several days ago when you somehow managed to connect with the man, you wondered if it was possible was you to do it again. You were tired of being controlled against your will, you wanted to know what it felt like to be powerful and have control over your own fate. Releasing a deep breath you closed your eyes and began to trace out the figure of the man, you pictured the dark cape hanging from his shoulders, the black robes the man donned in every meeting, and lastly you imagined the mask he always wore.

Minutes passed where the only presence you felt inside the room was yourself, until a dull hum started to invade your senses. Opening your eyes you were met with the sight of him standing across the room from you and you wondered if he could see the panic in your eyes.

“Canto Bight.” You blurted out, your chest heaving with effort from forging the connection with him once again. “Do you remember the nightmares I told you about?” You asked, you couldn’t help but cringe at how _weak_ your voice sounded.

The man only nodded at your words when you suddenly felt the moment it clicked with him, his shoulders tensing as forceful knocks rapped against the wooden door to the room. You vaguely wondered if he was able to hear them too. It only took mere second before the door was broken down and you were met with darkness.

**. . .**

**PAIN COURSED THROUGH** your body as you laid against the tiles of the floor, soreness from several different places in your body was enough to prevent you from moving along with whatever other injures you had suffered. You didn’t know how much time had passed, it must have only been a couple of hours.

“After everything I have done for your _worthless_ self,” Saul-bra’s voice boomed throughout the large room, several of his minions stood along the sides of the room to watch the show. You could practically feel the anger pulsing off of Saul-bra as you tried to force yourself off of the ground only to be met with a sharp kick to the stomach. “I saved you from a life of despair, I turned you into someone to be feared, I —”

You scoffed as you fought to sit upright on your knees, blood slowly trailing down your temple as you glared at Saul-bra. “Do not act like you did me any _favors_ in life.” You spit out towards him, anger running through your veins the more you stared at the man who had taken your life away from you.

Silence overtook the room as you both stared each other down, until a cruel smile began to form on Saul-bra’s lips. “One of the most enjoyable days of my life was watching the life drain from your parents eyes.”

The words were like a kick to the chest as you continued to stare at Saul-bra is disbelief. You always knew you were given to Saul-bra because of some debt to him, you just never knew he was the one responsible for the death of your parents. You didn’t try to stop your hands from openly trembling as hot anger began to overtake your body, your anger fueling your strength as you pushed yourself to stand up from the floor.

You allowed hot tears to roll down your cheeks as you narrowed your focus down to Saul-bra, the man you had hated since you were a child. You didn’t notice the terrified screams from people within the building as you advanced towards Saul-bra, the men in the room filing out in order to investigate whatever was causing panic within the building.

“You killed them.” It wasn’t a question, but just you restating what Saul-bra had admitted. You struggled to zone in on one thought as pressure began to build in your temples, a dull hum following closely behind as you finally allowed the anger to overtake you.

_You are dark inside._

The thought rushed through you as the anger continued to build, you noticed Saul-bra looking around frantically only to find no one left to help him. Within the next few seconds you watched as his hands began to claw at his throat helplessly, his shade of skin beginning to morph into a dark purple the tighter you balled your hands into fists.

The deafening sound of his lifeless body hitting the floor was enough for your focus to finally to be broken as you also fell to the cold ground. Your eyes fell shut as soon as you looked away from Saul-bra’s corpse, tears continuing to roll down your face as the full extent of your injuries began to set in. Everything suddenly came back into focus and it was overwhelming, the sounds of various men pleading for their lives, weapons clashing together, the blood soaking through your clothing.

_Too much. Too much. Too much._

The thought continued to repeat itself from inside your head as you felt a pair of strong hands haul you up from the ground. You felt leather gloves dig into the skin of your arms as they pulled you to their chest. The remaining strength you had been holding on to disappeared as you allowed your head to fall against the persons shoulder, you wanted to open your eyes to see who had you but the pain was too great.

_You’re safe._

The words echoed through your head, only they were not your own. The voice in your head was familiar, as if you remembered hearing it in a dream. You didn’t allow yourself to dwell on it as you were forced to settle into the strangers arms, the sweet relief of unconsciousness welcoming you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cue kylo your knight in shining armor :)


	3. FATES COMBINED!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " but if i choose darkness instead? "

**THE DARKNESS OF** the room was numbing when you finally started to sway into consciousness, a groan falling from your lips as you attempted to stretch your sore limbs. With great effort you managed to force yourself to sit up, your eyes examining the room which obviously belonged to a medical facility. You carefully brought your hands up to your head as you massaged your temples, you were surprised that you only had to battle with a headache and muscle fatigue.

The sound of someone softly knocking against the door in the far corner of the room caused you to jump slightly, feeling defenseless as someone walked in and carefully increased the lighting in the room. The women who walked into the room couldn’t have been much older than you, she was dressed in typical clothing for people who worked in medicine and her eyes widened when they settled on you.

“Oh,” The woman began, a soft smile playing across her lips as she picked up a tablet and began clicking away on it. “When you first came in I was quite worried, but I’m glad to see that you’re awake and recovering.”

“I don’t,” You said, struggling to form a coherent thought as the woman continued to look at you with inquisitive eyes. “I _need_ to know where I am.”

The woman seemed to finally realize how out of the loop you were as she gently set her tablet down on a nearby surface, coming closer to sit on the edge of your bed.

“Forgive me.” She started, clasping her hands together as she entered into a professional mentality. “My name is Amaya Sarsava. I was assigned as your doctor when you first arrived on Starkiller. When you were brought to me you had suffered extensive injuries from unknown origins. I was able to successfully correct all of them, you should only be sore for the next day or two.”

You exhaled deeply once she finished talking, the only vital piece of information you gathered was that you were on _Starkiller_. You blocked Amaya out once she started to go into depth about your injuries, you didn’t particularly care about the specifics. The base you were on at this exact moment belonged to the First Order. Your stomach began to churn once you had a feeling that you were now in the middle of something bigger than you thought. Suddenly your eyes shot up from the floor to Amaya’s face, she mentioned where you were but didn’t say _how_ you ended up on this damn base.

“Tell me how I got here.” You demanded, groaning as you forced yourself to stand on unsteady legs which caused Amaya to jump up and run to your side. You wouldn’t admit it out loud but you were starting to panic and the feeling of her hands on your skin wasn’t helping as you shook her off.

“Perhaps I should go get someone more, um, more —” Amaya clearly was struggling between making sure you didn’t fall and injure yourself and debating if she should tell you something important. You couldn’t help but release a growl of frustration, you wanted a straight answer and she obviously wasn’t going to give it to you easily.

Quickly pivoting on your feet you grasped Amaya’s shoulders, your fingers slightly digging into her lab coat as you looked deeply into her eyes. The feeling of intense focus fell over you as you forced her concentration to be strictly on you as you somehow surrendered to a feeling of reaching out mentally for the answer you sought after.

“Tell me how I got here.” You repeated your earlier demand.

“You were brought into the med bay around 2300, that was nearly three days ago. Kylo Ren carried you into the med bay himself followed by his Knights of Ren, it was truly an unusual sight.” Amaya spoke almost hypnotically. Your hands dropped from her shoulders and she jolted away from you, her trance like state dissipating. You almost felt bad as she looked at you frantically before rushing out of the room.

The floor began to sway beneath your feet as your head started to spin, shuffling backwards until you were met with the familiar feeling of the mattress beneath you. Leaning forward you braced yourself against your knees, your thoughts racing through your head as you forced yourself to take a minute and _think_. Time passed in a blur when you finally came to a single conclusion that your life had become increasingly more difficult in the past month.

**. . .**

**STARKILLER BASE WAS** an exceptionally ran operation you admitted to yourself the longer you decided to wander around different areas that were relatively close to the med bay. This morning when you woke up you were greeted with a young nurse offering you a fresh change of clothes, the clothes were simple and came with a black cloak which you immediately threw on, the med bay was tortuously cold. Technically you knew when the nurse told you to _‘stretch your legs’_ he didn’t mean leave the med bay entirely. You didn’t do it to make their lives harder, but you couldn’t stand another moment in that room after what happened yesterday.

Your thoughts kept drifting to Kylo Ren, who you had yet to see or hear from since arriving on Starkiller. You were undoubtedly sure that the masked man’s identity was Kylo Ren, and you couldn’t decide if the discovery of this was relieving of terrifying. You didn’t know much about him besides the stories you had heard here and there while walking through Canto Bight, your ears picking up on peoples gossip. The most you knew about him was that he was known for being ruthless, and that he wielded unmeasurable power and could bend it to his will.

_‘Because we’re the same.’_

The cloak wrapped around your shoulders flowed behind you as you decided to wander further from the med bay, your desire to continue exploring stronger than following your common sense of heading back to where you were expected to be. Your eyes critically analyzed everything the farther you explored the base, you were well aware that by now someone was wondering where you had gone. You quietly moved to the side as a pair of stormtroopers stomped down the hallway, the amount of people were beginning to thin out and you briefly considered turning back.

_I want to keep going. This is the most freedom I have experienced in years._

The thought managed to weave itself into your mind, successfully persuading you to keep moving. Your left hand came up to gently clutch the side of your ribs, Amaya had done a great job of healing your injuries, but you were still considerably sore. Turning the corner sharply you were met with what felt like a brick wall, a shock of unpleasantness jolting through your side as you hissed in pain. You couldn’t help the small groan you released as you hugged your side tightly, as if it would help take away the sudden pain. Glancing upwards you were expected to be met with a wall that you somehow had missed, but instead looked straight into a familiar mask you had only seen through the unexplainable _bond_.

For what felt like the first time in your life you were speechless, taking a few steps backward as you struggled to compose yourself. You pushed your hands against your thighs to stop them from shaking as you wondered how he seemed even _taller_ now that he was truly in front of you. The awkward silence was enough for your heart to start racing as you finally noticed the four stormtroopers standing behind Kylo.

“You are supposed to be in the med bay recovering.” Kylo said, breaking the silence as the stormtroopers nervously looked at one another. You continued to stare up into the mask and tried to watch if his body language would exploit some type of human emotion, however you were met with utterly nothing.

“I have been healing for the past four days. Doctor Amaya took excellent care of my injuries.” You replied, finally finding your voice as you struggled not to touch your side which was currently throbbing with pain. Kylo hummed thoughtfully as he seemed to look you over, you could have sworn his line of vision landed on your side that you fought against touching.

“Clearly.” Kylo muttered, dry sarcasm evident in his voice as your face morphed into a scowl. Even though you technically weren’t one hundred percent better you didn’t take his assessment kindly. Perhaps if you had known you were going to run into him you would’ve stayed in the med bay.

Crossing your arms across your chest you stepped aside to allow him to return on his journey to wherever he was heading before you quite literally ran into him. You didn’t exactly have a valid reason to feel annoyed with him, but you decided to just run with it. The next minute felt like it lasted an hour as both of you refused to move from your spots, as if there was some unspoken challenge.

“You’re dismissed.” Kylo’s voice echoed throughout the hallway, you watched curiously as the four stormtroopers scurried off down the empty hall as if they were scared they weren’t moving fast enough.“You need to return to the med bay. That is an order.”

You couldn’t help but narrow your eyes at him as he began to walk down the hallway, walking way too fast for you to catch up in the condition you were in. You knew he could hear your footsteps echoing behind him as you struggled to catch up with him, until you reached out and grabbed his forearm, ultimately forcing him to stop.

“All of my injuries are healed, the only thing left now it just soreness.” You began, your hand still gripping his forearm as you rambled on. “I don’t want to go back to the med bay, all I am doing is taking up an unnecessary room. Please.” You silently hoped that he would give in and see your reasoning, you didn’t care if all you were given was a small cot to sleep on.

“I can feel the pain throbbing in your side as if it was my own.” Kylo stated, your hand falling from his arm as you suddenly became aware that it was inappropriate to lay your hands on him. 

“If you can feel that then you must be aware that being stuck in the med bay is, is,” You huffed as you tried to find the correct word to explain how you were feeling. “it’s _overwhelming_.”

Several moments passed as both of you continued to stare at one another. When Kylo began to resume walking down the hall you couldn’t help but feel disappointed, but after a few steps you watched him stop and look back at you over his shoulder. You forced your legs to move forward as you caught up with him, noticing he was now walking considerably slower so you didn’t fall behind.

The hallways seemed to blur together as you followed Kylo to wherever he was leading you to, realization setting in that you never second guessed following him and just went along with it. It surprised you that even though you knew this man was capable of hurting you, you _somewhat_ trusted that he wouldn’t. Walking a few steps behind Kylo you allowed your eyes to roam over his back, it gave you an advantage to finally get a good look at him. Although you couldn’t see the front of him, you studied the back of his mask which you assumed was some sort of intimidation tactic. In all honesty, you thought he was quite intimidating without it because of his demeanor and how he carried himself. You could tell that beneath his black robes he wore some type of armor, and you briefly wondered if you could take him in a fight.

_You couldn’t._

The words from inside your mind caused you to stop dead in your tracks as you stared at the back of Kylo Ren, his voice still a dull hum inside your head. He continued walking down the hall before stopping in front of a door and punching in a code. The door opened with a gust of air and he entered into the room, undoubtedly expecting you to follow.

“How come you can hear my thoughts, but I can’t hear yours?” You asked, rushing into the room after him. Your feet planting themselves behind him as you took in the elegant room, filled with items and furniture far nicer than anything you ever had. You couldn’t help but gently run your hand over the bed, which looked and felt like heaven.

“Do you remember when I said that we’re the same?” Kylo said, still standing near the entryway of the room which you assumed was yours. Turning your body to face him you nodded your head gently, waiting for him to continue. “I offered to teach you the ways of the Force.”

Kylo’s statement was enough for you to pause where you were standing, studying him as he waited for you to either deny to accept his offer. You couldn’t help but chew on the inside of your cheek as you looked away from him. The flashes of Saul-bra’s lifeless body in front of you was caused by your own doing, but you didn’t know how you managed it. The current soreness coursing through your body was temporary, but the scars littering over your skin were a permanent reminder of the powerlessness you felt all of your life.

You never wanted to feel that weakness again. You wanted to be in control of your own fate.

“I don’t understand whats happening to me.” You admitted with great effort, your voice cracking against your own will as you silently wished you could see what he exactly looked like behind his mask. “I want to start as soon as possible.”

Releasing a deep breath you turned your back to Kylo, not trusting yourself to be composed as you tried to gather yourself. It seemed like many minutes passed before you heard him respond, his voice bordering on wanting to help, but not quite sure how to.

“Tomorrow afternoon you begin your training with me and the Knights of Ren.”

There wasn’t enough time to ask questions even if you wanted to because within seconds he left the room, the sound of the door closing behind him felt like the ultimate finalization of your decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly SUPER excited for the next chapter, but also nervous lmao :)


	4. WHISTLE IN THE DARK!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " i recreate myself; that is my only power "

**TOSSING AND TURNING** the entirety of the night proved to successfully put you in a foul mood, sighing you finally tossed the blankets off of your body and stood up. Glancing to the side table you saw that there was about three hours until noon, you’d have to figure out where you were supposed to meet Kylo. You couldn’t help but be nervous as you remembered what you agreed to last night, internally cursing yourself for signing yourself up for something you knew nothing about.

Deciding against dwelling on your questionable decisions you decided to wander around the room before stopping in front of a closed door. You raised your hand and the door whisked open, revealing a rather large closet stocked with a variety of clothing. Your feet carried you into the room as you ran your fingers across multiple shirts, vaguely wondering how most of these clothes seemed to match your size quite accurately. You allowed yourself to pluck an outfit from the racks, deciding to stick with dark clothing as you undressed and pulled the new items on.

It didn’t take you very long to freshen up and before you knew it you found yourself leaving your room, the hallway outside your room relatively empty as you tried to remember the way you took here last night. You cursed the size and layout of Starkiller, you didn’t know how long it would take before you knew your way around the base. Within minutes you walked into an area you recognized, spotting the med bay in the distance and decided to head there, hoping someone could help you figure out where to head to get some food.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away.” Amaya called from across the med bay, a playful smile on her face as she quickly finished giving orders to surrounding workers. You were aware that she was a doctor, but didn’t expect her to be in charge of the med bay in its entirety. “There isn’t anything wrong, right? It wouldn’t exactly look good for me if something happened to my high priority patient.”

You allowed yourself to laugh lightly as you walked up to her, the med bay was buzzing with activity. “I’m hardly a high priority patient.” You said, shoving your hands into your pockets as you looked around. The look Amaya gave you was clearly her way of saying she disagreed with you, but you decided to brush it off. “I was actually wondering where I could get some food. I don’t know my way around here just yet.” You admitted. 

The smile she gave you was enough for you to genuinely feel bad for whatever you did to her the other day in order to get an answer from her. You silently reached out with the still foreign feeling and felt her emotions rush into you, she radiated genuine happiness and longed to form a friendship with someone.

“I was going to head over to the cafeteria for some late breakfast in a few minutes, you’re welcome to come along if you’d like.” Amaya said, the hopefulness lacing her voice was obvious. You offered her a small smile, you assumed it was easier to adjust to this new life when someone was welcoming you with open arms.

The walk to the cafeteria felt relatively short as you listened to Amaya ramble on about random things happening around Starkiller. You just nodded along whenever she looked at you, it wasn’t like you exactly _knew_ what she was talking about. The meal you grabbed was dull, but slightly better compared to what you usually ate in your past. It was hard to focus when there were so many new things to take in, people came and went from the cafeteria and the chatter inside the large room was deafening.

“Can I ask you a question?” Amaya blurted out, her eyes widening as she realized you might consider her rude or intruding on your person business. You slowly nodded your head as she released a deep breath. “There are whispers going around the base about you training with the Knights of Ren and Kylo Ren himself… is it true?”

You allowed yourself some time to think as you slowly chewed your food, you knew Kylo Ren obviously held extreme amounts of power around the base. However, you knew almost little to nothing about his Knights of Ren. Before you could open your mouth to tell her your answer you watched as she went still, her eyes locked on to something behind you as the room went absolutely silent. Twisting yourself in your seat you listened to the thundering sound of heavy footsteps approaching you and set your eyes on the familiar outfit and mask that belonged to Kylo Ren.

In this very moment you decided that watching Kylo Ren stomp through the cafeteria heading straight for where you were sitting was particularly intimidating. You hesitantly stood up from your seat and swore you could feel everyone’s eyes burning into you as Kylo Ren stopped right before you. Although only seconds had passed it was enough to make you feel awkward and the urge to say something to break the silence was too great.

“I apologize if I was late…” You began with, hoping that if he truly believed you were sorry he would be less inclined to slice you in two with the lightsaber hanging at his hip.

“You’re not. Follow me.” Kylo Ren answered, and without another word he started walking away and expected you to follow. You forced yourself to move after him after throwing an apologetic look to Amaya.

The halls blurred together as you managed to catch up to Kylo and walk alongside him, you desperately wanted to ask where you were going but opted against it. It wasn’t like you were scared of him, yes he intimidated you, but for the time being you decided you didn’t want to get on his bad side. Kylo suddenly turned a sharp corner into a room which you automatically followed him into, your eyes studied the weapons lining the walls and were amazed with the variety of items you saw. You allowed yourself to skim your fingers along a small, shiny blaster before you snatched your hand back when you realized Kylo was staring you down.

“Do you know what a lightsaber is?” He asked, his voice was laced with coldness and you decided to look straight into the mask where you thought his eyes would be. Of course you knew what a lightsaber was, although you had never seen one in person you were aware of the deadly weapon.

You watched cautiously as his gloved hand reached for the lightsaber at his hip and with a sudden movement the lightsaber was activated. You couldn’t help but look at the weapon in awe, you could feel the heat radiating off it as it burned a bright red and crackled with energy. However, before you could further analyze the weapon it was turned off and replaced to his hip. Kylo Ren then turned around and your eyes caught on something being displayed on a small stand, you took several steps forward until you were standing by his side. You admired the lightsaber placed on the small stand before you. The hilt was a stunning obsidian color which differed from the lightsaber that belonged to man standing beside you, you longed to see how it looked when it was ignited.

“It’s quite beautiful.” You admitted softly, you twisted your fingers together as you continued to gaze upon the weapon. There was a strange longing in you as you focused in on the lightsaber. You couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about the stories your father used to tell you about, and how amazed he would be if he could see what you were seeing right now.

“It’s yours.”

You whipped your head to the side to glance at the man beside you, his words dancing around in your head as they finally settled in. You swallowed thickly before you reached out to grasp the hilt of the lightsaber in your hand, it was lighter than you expected it to be. You took a few steps away from Kylo as you adjusted your grip on the hilt, your finger tracing over the ignition button before it bursted to life. Similar to Kylo’s own saber it burned a fiery red color, you felt like its energy was also coursing through you as you gave it a few practice swings. You didn’t realize you were smiling until you looked up into the mask, knowing a pair of watchful eyes studied you from behind it.

Deactivating the saber you continued to carefully hold it in your hands, not sure where to place it before you looked back to Kylo. “Why does mine look different when its activated?” You asked, wondering why his appeared to be more _unstable_ than yours.

“Inside each lightsaber there is something called a kyber crystal, they are essential in order for it to work properly.” Kylo’s voice was almost soothing to listen to as you leaned against a table, focusing your concentration entirely on him. “The crystal inside mine is _flawed_. There are several people on this base that consider its appearance unfavorable.”

You pondered over his words after he was finished, the silence that took its place was more comfortable than awkward this time. The damaged crystal was the reason for why his saber looked more unstable compared to yours. You knew that with the power Kylo Ren held on this base and throughout the galaxy that he could have the crystal replaced or fixed if he _wanted_ it to, which he obviously didn’t.

“Well, …” You started, swallowing nervously as you finished your thought. “I like how yours looks.”

The moments that followed were filled with the sounds of footsteps from nearby stormtroopers as you waited to see if you would get a response. You decided to take the time to attach the newly made lightsaber to your hip, following Kylo’s example. The silence was a good thing you told yourself, you assumed that if he was upset he would be yelling or reacting in some way.

“Follow me. The Knights of Ren will be waiting for us.”

Without another word Kylo stormed out of the room, you couldn’t help but sigh as you followed closely behind him. Perhaps adjusting to this life would prove to be more difficult than you thought.

**. . .**

**UNEASINESS SETTLED OVER** you as forced yourself to enter into the rather large room, your eyes immediately setting on the six people approaching you and Kylo who still walked ahead of you. You noticed that these people were dressed similarly to Kylo and all donned their own type of helmet and unique weapon. You forced your nervousness down and made yourself appear unbothered as you took an extra few steps so you were walking side by side with Kylo, you found you were starting to hate when he walked ahead of you.

_Vicrul. Cardo. Usher. Macaria. Kuruk. Ap’Lek._

The names danced around in your head as you stopped before the six strangers, the names echoed in your head in the sound of Kylo’s voice. The pressure inside your head wasn’t uncomfortable but it startled you, especially now knowing that it belonged to the strange connection you had with the man beside you. The knights stood still in front of both of you as they waited for some type of instruction, they held the same intimidating aura as Kylo.

“The Knights of Ren are dedicated to the way of the Ren and live their lives by walking down the path of the dark side of the Force. They are all Force-sensitive and will help with certain areas of your training.” Kylo’s voice seemed to boom throughout the room as you studied each knight.

_Ignite your lightsaber._

The voice rung through your eyes as you watched the knights spread out into a circle around you, Kylo slowly making his way outside of the circle as he kept his focus on you. Your mind was rushed with memories of your training with Saul-bra, something you rather wished you would forget. You decided to obey Kylo’s command and reached for your saber and ignited it in one motion. The red glare reflected in your eyes as you slowly looked back over to Kylo, your muscles felt tight with tension as you waited for him to elaborate on what exactly you were doing.

_The Force can be used in several ways. I want you to use it to interpret where each knight intends to strike you. Defend yourself._

How were you expected to use the Force without knowing anything about it? The muscles in your chest felt tight as you forced yourself to keep your eyes shut. Throughout your years of training you were taught how to defend yourself among other brutal techniques. However, the feeling in your gut told you that perhaps you were out of your league on Starkiller base.

_Focus._

The next few moments you let yourself exhale deeply and square your shoulders, allowing the feeling to overcome your senses as you tried to somehow reach out to the space beyond you. You fought through the feelings the knights were radiating and struggled to focus on what their next move was. Your eyebrows scrunched together as multiple scenarios of the future seemed to run across your mind, the images blurred past you as you swallowed your frustrated groan. The pressure in your temples indicated that Kylo was in your head and was likely aware of your frustration and rising aggravation.

_Focus._

_Harness the energy._

_Focus._

Although Kylo’s presence inside your mind was distracting his words gave you a moment of clarity. You were currently trying to work about the feeling and find what you were searching for, what you needed to do was _seize_ it and bend it to do what you wanted. Using your reflexes you twisted your body to the left and swung out with your saber, the sound of each weapon clashing together was enough for a giddy smile to break out across your face. The energy flowing through you made you feel powerful as you continued to meet each knight blow for blow, their future actions ran through your mind and allowed you to escape harm from their weapons.

_Defend yourself._

The energy coursing through you was enough for your previous focus to begin to fracture, important details beginning to slip past you. The feeling of being unstoppable clouded your judgement as your saber clashed with another, the brutal force behind the impact was enough to send you to one knee as your eyes snapped open. Your breath trembled as you looked up at Kylo who was towering over you, your arms beginning to tremble with the force his saber was pushing against you. The red hue from each saber illuminated the dark helmet he wore, his lightsaber crackled with vicious energy as you struggled to force him back. Within seconds Kylo pushed forward and sent you back on your ass, your saber rolling from your hands and deactivating.

_Never allow your concentration to waiver._

You couldn’t help but breath heavily with exertion as you watched his saber deactivate and return to his side as he looked down upon you. The knights still stood in a circle around you until they began to turn away, apparently seeing this as the end of the lesson. You watched the knights begin to leave before you looked back up to Kylo who continued to stand above you.

“We’re done for today.”

The sound of his footsteps fading into the distance was starting to become a regular thing. Your eyes glanced around the room as you concluded you were finally alone, allowing yourself to lean back and lay against the coldness of the floor. Exhaustion settled into your mind as your eyes fluttered shut, there was still so much for you to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the delay! i'm sure everyone can relate when i say how crazy life has been recently. 
> 
> one change i wanted to note in this chapter was the change of one of the knights of ren. i decided to replace one with my own female knight of ren named macaria because why not? we love girl power :)
> 
> i hope all of you are staying safe and healthy in these times! (i also apologize if this chapter isn't the greatest lol)


	5. CONNECTIONS!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " i met you for a reason. "

**SOME PEOPLE ARE** born to change the world, while others are born to help those people change the world. The phrase was something your mother used to say to you often enough, but she would always finish it off with how you choose live your life determines which type of person you become. She also would say to look at your life like a novel, and you were in charge of writing the chapters.

The bitter wind whipped at your hair as you hugged your coat tighter around your figure, while the fresh breeze was astoundingly cold it was also refreshing. You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you looked past the forest, thoughts of your mother occupied your mind as you debated returning back inside. The memory of your mother was something you thought about each day, but today you assumed her philosophy stuck with you because of the turn your life was currently taking. Your time had consisted of training with the knights every other day, but it was hard to dismiss the fact Kylo had not been on the base for the past three weeks.

The darkness was beginning to settle in as the day descended into night, you sighed as you finally decided to force yourself to return back inside. The newfound freedom you had experienced since arriving on Starkiller was something you coveted, no one questioned your whereabouts and as of right now you weren’t forced to complete any tasks against your will. Turning on your heel you jogged up the stairs and slipped inside, stormtroopers and engineers buzzed around as you made your way through the crowds until your eyes caught on to someone with fiery hair. Throughout your time spent on Starkiller base you weren’t oblivious to the fact of how little information you knew, so you took to listening to gossip and using your skills to figure out what you needed. The man currently marching his way over to you with stormtroopers following closely behind was General Armitage Hux, a rather ambitious man who apparently did not favor Kylo Ren.

“You!” The man shouted from several feet away, his hands clasped behind his back as his eyes locked with yours. The man was known for being quite ruthless in certain aspects and you didn’t particularly enjoy his attention being focused on you at the moment.

“General, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” You said, keeping your face neutral as he closed the space between you. The look gleaming in his eyes was enough to tell you that he wasn’t impressed with you, the energy radiating off him was enough for you to conclude that not many people met his standards.

“It seems Supreme Leader wasn’t satisfied with one of _you_ running around already.” Hux grumbled, his face screwed up in annoyance as he looked to the side. “I truly hope you won’t be as insufferable as Ren.”

You couldn’t help your eyes widen in surprise at his words, and how openly he spoke of his dislike towards Kylo. Throughout the short time of knowing Kylo you hadn’t noticed anything incredibly terrible about the man, you wondered what Hux had seen of Kylo that you hadn’t. Before you could form your response your eyes were drawn to a ship landing, the engines blowing your hair in every direction as you watched Kylo descend down the ramp.

“Ren, we have new information concerning what you’ve been searching for.” Hux announced as Kylo approached where both you and Hux stood. You vaguely wondered if you’d every be able to see the man beneath the mask as he stood before you. The only confirmation Hux received that Kylo had heard what he said was a firm nod until he turned to you, motioning you to follow him with his finger as he set off down a new path.

The people who stood in Kylo’s path quickly scrambled to the side as he made his way down numerous hallways, you supposed an amount of fear came along with the power he had. You absentmindedly watched the cape attached to his shoulders sway as he walked, wondering where the hell he had been.

“I see you finally met Hux.” Kylo said. Although his voice came out modulated it still held an appealing aspect to it, enough to make you want to hear it without the damn mask. You contained a huff of annoyance as you realized how much his anonymity was starting to bother you.

“Yes, he doesn’t seem to be very fond of either one of us.” You answered, following his steps into an empty room filled with monitors.

The hum that came from Kylo revealed his amusement at your statement as he began to pull the leather gloves off his hands. The words died in your throat as you became slightly disappointed in yourself over how giddy you felt to finally see proof of human life underneath all the layers of clothing he wore. You were even more disappointed when you realized he wasn’t going to remove the helmet, instead his fingers ran across keyboards while touching various screens. Within the next few seconds the space above your head was filled with an image, your eyes locking on to it as you tried to figure out what you were looking at.

“This is a map with no destination.” You stated, continuing to analyze the coordinates and other important details as Kylo moved to stand by your side. “Where does it lead?” You asked.

“Luke Skywalker.” Kylo answered, his hands clenching into fists as he glanced at you over his shoulder. You were sure he noted the confusion on your face as you digested his words.

_Luke Skywalker._

The name echoed in your head as you recalled everything you knew about the man. You knew that the man was a powerful Jedi, but if you were correct no one had seen this man in a while. You also wondered what the First Order wanted with a man who was currently off the grid. Unless he greatly threatened their agenda, then it would explain their interest in him.

“The knights have informed me of your progress over the past weeks. They gave you rather high praise.” Kylo said, moving to stand in front of you as you glanced upwards to look at him. “The Supreme Leader has ordered you to take your place by my side. The Force is _strong_ with you, you have potential and it’s time for you to live up to the greatness I know you can reach.”

The shudder that went through your body was enough to give you pause as you considered his words. Throughout your life in Canto Bight you were taught to make yourself into a _smaller_ person, someone who was capable of only bowing before a man who had continuously taken and taken from you. You didn’t know what to expect when you decided to agree to join him, but now for the first time in a long time someone was telling they believed in your abilities and _wanted_ to help you succeed rather than smother you. You decided in this moment that perhaps the feeling of someone simply believing in you and encouraging you was one of the great feelings experienced in life.

“When do we start?” You asked, watching the tension dissipate from Kylo’s shoulders as you turned your attention back to the incomplete map.

“General Hux is gathering additional information where the remaining part of the map can be found. I expect its location to be known in a few days.” Kylo answered. “Until then you will be training, you need to work on enhancing your focus and fighting technique.”

You hummed in acknowledgment as you twisted your body to hear him tell you a time to meet him in the usual room you used for training with the knights for the past few weeks. With a polite dismissal you excused yourself from the room in order to gather your thoughts, unaware of Kylo’s watchful eyes as he watched you disappear from his sight.

**. . .**

**YOUR MUSCLES ACHED** as you twisted away from a kick aimed at your side, you were confident that if she had made contact you surely would have suffered a broken rib. Macaria, the only female knight, heaved with exhaustion as she reached for her water. You took that as your cue to fall back on the ground, the coolness of the floor felt like heaven against your skin. Opening your eyes you saw Macaria glancing downwards at you, her dark hair pulled back as she continued to gulp down more water.

“I didn’t expect to be training today.” Macaria said, her hand coming up to push her hair back as she dropped down next to you. The rest of the knights had yet to be seen, you guessed that they were busy with other tasks.

It was currently an hour past the time Kylo said he would meet you in the training room, until Macaria showed up saying she would train with you until Kylo was able to get away from whatever he was occupied with. In all honesty, you were slightly relieved he was running behind schedule. Although you were starting to get used to being in his presence, it didn’t take away from the feeling of your thoughts being in scrambles whenever he was around.

“I didn’t expect for him to return today.” You responded, pushing yourself up on your elbows as you locked eyes with Macaria. She hummed in agreement as she took another swig of her water, her mouth opening to respond until the sound of doors slamming shut caused both of you to bolt upwards.

“Leave us.” Kylo hissed, and within seconds Macaria was off of the ground with her things and heading for the exit of the room. You couldn’t help but feel fearful as you pushed yourself off the ground, taking in Kylo’s tense shoulders and body language. The jerk that went through your body as Kylo’s lightsaber suddenly burst to life was enough for you to officially be cautious, assuming that whatever Kylo was dealing with before didn’t end in his favor.

Deciding to follow his lead you felt your own saber come to life in your hand, giving it a few swings as you began to circle around one another. You had faced enough opponents in your life to known how to stand your ground in a fight, however you doubted your abilities as Kylo continued to stalk around you. The space between both of you seemed to buzz with energy as you carefully watched him, deciding to let him approach first. Your heart thundered in your chest as you dipped to avoid the swing he suddenly sent your way, twisting around only for your sabers to clash together. You grunted as you pushed forward, sending Kylo stumbling back a few steps as you twirled your body and swung out once more, putting your entire weight behind your swings as he met each one effortlessly. You couldn’t help but feel like you were in the middle of a dance, an extremely _deadly_ dance.

The dance felt like it went on for a long while, each of you straining to meet each others swings and avoid any disastrous missteps. You felt like this training session had morphed into a way for Kylo to burn off steam, the rumors of his tantrums were starting to make sense as you chest heaved with exertion. You tried not to focus on the sweat gathering across your skin along with the screaming ache of your muscles that begged for a minute of respite. The next moment passed in a blur, the stumble of your feet sending you forward as burning pain bloomed across your arm, a cry falling from your lips.

Your knees cracked against the floor as you curled in on yourself, clutching your arm to your stomach as you felt tears form in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t notice Kylo until you felt his hands against your back, whatever he was saying wasn’t registering as he guided you to lay flat on your back.

“Don’t move.” Kylo ordered, although his voice didn’t hold its usual rough edge, but instead carried a softer tone as your eyes clenched shut. You heard something hiss followed by his hands carefully prying your arm from your chest, the fabric of you sleeve being pushed back. “When you fell my saber caught on your arm, try to stay still.”

The small whimper that left your lips was enough for you to force your eyes open, intending to look at how bad your injury was. Once your eyes opened you were met with the sight of Kylo Ren, the helmet set off to the side next to his knee as he tended to your arm. The breath was stolen from your lungs as your eyes settled on the soft black curls that clung to his face, his eyebrows screwed together in concentration followed by strong but beautiful facial features. His dark eyes were trained on your injury, which you had failed to look at yet, you were much more focused on the man kneeling next to you. Your breath suddenly rushed back your lungs as you arm jerked in his strong grasp, your eyes darting to his fingers curled around your wrist as he carefully wrapped something around your injury.

“How does that feel?” Kylo questioned, his brown eyes connecting with yours as you struggled to find an appropriate response. The sting in your arm was painful, but you were almost positive your shock was taking away the worst of the pain.

“You’re not wearing your helmet.” You stated, you were sure your pupils were blown wide with surprise as you struggled to sit up. Kylo’s free hand gripped your shoulder gently as he helped you into a sitting position, seeming to ignore your statement. “It, um— it stings.” You managed to force out.

You heard him hum as his fingers danced around the area of the injury, you knew you should be more focused on yourself at the moment but you weren’t. Kylo Ren was much younger than you made him out to be in your head, and quite attractive. You couldn’t help the pang of sadness that went through you, wondering how he must feel to have gained so much power from such a young age. Kylo must have sensed your gaze because he turned to meet it, suddenly his eyes on you was too much as you looked away.

“I need to take you to the med bay.” Kylo said, his eyebrows furrowed together as your eyes snapped back to him.

“No!” You shouted, making yourself jump once you realized how frantic you sounded. “I mean no thank you. You can take care of it, right? It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.” You protested, looking at him hopefully as his hands let go of your arm.

The time passed slowly as Kylo continued to look at you before he opened his mouth to speak. “It will scar if I take care of it.” He admitted, watching you for your reaction.

“Okay, that’s fine. I don’t mind another scar.” You answered, grateful that he wasn’t going to drag you off the med bay. You watched as he pushed himself up off the ground and walked over to a tall cabinet, opening the doors and rummaging through various containers.

Your eyes drifted off to the helmet that remained by your knee, looking somehow much less intimidating now that it was simply sitting on the ground. Before you could stop yourself your hand reached out, your finger tracing over the metal. Although you wouldn’t have seen them any other time you noticed tiny scratches and barely noticeable dents, the flaws somehow making the aspect of Kylo Ren being a _real_ person under the mask less fear inducing.

When you noticed Kylo returning to your side you pulled your hand back to your chest, the action so quick it was as if you had been burned. You recognized several things in his arms as he placed them next to you on the floor, lowering himself down as he struggled to adjust his large form so he could care for your arm. You had a strong feeling Kylo wasn’t used to taking care of others, his shoulders were stiff as he began to apply something to the burn causing a hiss of pain to fall from your lips.

“Distract me, tell me about something.” You pleaded, hoping you didn’t sound too pitiful as you asked him to take your mind off the pain. The embarrassment starting to overtake you as you realized how pathetic you looked, stumbling over your own feet and getting yourself burned.

The moment passed as you felt the medicine starting to affect your injury, the burn of pain increasing as you tried stopping yourself from squirming in discomfort. You had experienced a fair share of physical injuries in your life, but you were definitely placing the lightsaber burn high on your list. Instead you opted to grip on to the fabric of Kylo’s cape spilling over into your lap, not particularly caring if he wanted you to or not.

“There has been new information concerning the location of the remaining part of the map…” Kylo started, his eyes focused on your arm as he continued speaking. “In two days time it needs to be retrieved, your injury should be mostly healed by then and you will be accompanying me.”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as Kylo seemed to be finishing up on your arm, his fingers securing the wrap as he pulled away from you. The heat blooming across your face was noticeable as you realized you were still holding his cape, dropping it quickly with an apology. You struggled standing up from the ground, but managed as he followed your lead. Releasing a sign you looked up to him, realizing how _strange_ it was to be looking his in his eyes instead of a dark shield.

“Retire to your room and rest. I’ll have medicine sent up to you.” Kylo said, dipping down to snatch his helmet up from the ground. His arms raised as he placed it back over his head, a sharp hiss signaling it locking back into place. His attention resting on you for a few seconds before twisting around and heading for the exit, your eyes once again watching him walk away.


End file.
